Before there was The SuperFogeys, there was the blog “From Behind the Light.” It was mostly personal stories from my own life with a sprinkling of other nonsense like short fiction stories and a some early comics. Now that we’re on this new site, I can do more blogging of that type and bring back some of the old stuff that most of you have never seen. Here’s one:
Have you ever gone a date with someone that just embarrassed you to no end and about whom you felt the need to apologize for to every person you came in contact with? I haven’t. Instead, women tend to go on those types of dates with ME. You needn’t fear, however. Now that I’m married there is only one woman upon whom I inflict my embarrassment mojo. We have a love/tolerate relationship.
There is a quaint little Mexican Restaurant in the Old Town section of the city where I live called ‘La Posada.’ It’s so quaint that you would never take this particular eatery for a restaurant. It’s a converted, small house where the people are swell and the food is good. You ever eat in a place like this? I feel like an intruder every time I go in. For all I know, the chef just rolled out of bed before cooking my enchiladas and my order acts as his wake up call. “Curse you, Heasley… curse you,” I can hear him saying.
One night about a year and a half ago we decided to treat ourselves to some ‘La Posada’ after a particularly stressful week. Money was tight and we were looking at having our second child early the next year and all I could think about was money and how much of it everyone else had and we didn’t. Now, my wife is a very reasonable individual. She’ll get worked up over things, but she always calms down afterwards. She knows better than to get me worked up because there are always physical manifestations and whatever it is takes over my brain. No one knows this better than our waitress that night at ‘La Posada.’
Nicest Waitress in the World: Can I take your order?
Me: Yeah, um…
Wife: I’ll have the Enchiladas and Tacos combo.
NWITW: Would you like some tortillas with that?
Wife: Yes, please.
Me: Those are free, right?
NWITW: Yes, they are.
Me: Okay. Great. Um…I’ll have the same but instead of the regular tacos can I get the fish tacos?
NWITW: Sure thing. That’ll be a dollar more, is that okay?
Me: Really? Oh, never mind then. I’ll just take the regular tacos.
NWITW: Ok. Would you like anything to drink with that?
Wife (kicking me under the table): Just water’s fine.
NWITW: Ok. Would you like lemon with that?
Me: Does that cost extra?
‘Does that cost extra?’ Now, there’s a phrase that will haunt me for the rest of my life. If we’re at a party and my wife needs a funny story, there’s always ‘Does that cost extra?’ Yes, it’s true, I actually wanted to know if the little lemon slices they put on the rim of our glasses of water cost money.
The Nicest Waitress in the World leaves and you can bet I was in for it.
Wife: Omigosh. You sound just like Logan.
This is not a compliment. Now, Logan is my younger brother. You do not want to go to a restaurant with Logan. He is notorious for giving waiters and waitresses a hard time. (Hopefully, he doesn’t also read this blog. Love ya, bro!) Sample of Logan:
Logan: Hey, you better keep this pitcher of water full. Your tip depends on it; you understand what I’m saying?
We eat and my wife’s conversation seems distracted. I think she’s secretly praying every time our waitress comes around that I won’t open my mouth. The food is excellent, as always, and the check arrives. We had set aside some cash for the evening and we had just enough to cover it. Only just. There was no money for the tip.
What was I supposed to do? Break out my check card for a $3 tip? That seemed ridiculous and even more embarrassing. We left the table and made our way to the register. Like I said, it was a small place. Who do you think our cashier was? That’s right, the Nicest Waitress in the World. I paid the cost of the meal with great shame and left.
NWITW: Have a good night.
I once read that Quentin Tarantino doesn’t believe in tipping. No, not cows. Or goats for that matter. He doesn’t believe in leaving tip at a restaurant after a meal. From what I understand he expounds on this philosophy through a character in a bloody, profane movie he did (that I have not seen) called ‘Reservoir Dogs.’ His reasoning, I believe, is this: I’m paying for the meal and you’re providing a service for which you are also paid therefore I do not need to tip you for simply doing your job. On a certain level, this makes sense. On another level, Quentin Tarantino is a big, fat jerk. And so was I.
My wife left the restaurant as soon as we got up from the table. No way she was gonna stick around and watch me pay for the meal and give some sort of implied approval of my non-tipping ways. I made my way out to the car and got in.
Wife: What did you do about the tip?
Me: I didn’t pay it.
Wife: You really didn’t pay it!?
Me: No. I need to go back. I need to pay it.
Wife: We don’t have any money.
Me: We need to get money. We have to find an ATM.
Wife. You have got to be kidding me. I’m not going back in there.
I drove around Old Town for about 15 minutes looking for an ATM. When I finally found one, I bit the bullet and took out the minimum from our savings–$20. Now, I knew I wasn’t going to tip $20, even if she was The Nicest Waitress in the World. I just couldn’t afford it. I also only had a Twenty Dollar Bill. We found a little cafe and I bought a small milk. By now 30 minutes had passed since we left the restaurant.
Now, I did not want to go back. I already knew at this point that this would rank as one of the top five embarrassments of my life, but what was I going to do? If anyone ever deserved to be tipped, it was NWITW. I entered the door and who do you think was still at the cash register?
Me: Hi. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to leave without giving a tip. I just didn’t have enough money on me. Here you go.Thanks a lot for tonight. The food was really good.
I handed her $5.
NWITW: Thank you. Have a good night.
For about a split second we just kind of looked at each other. There was this look of terrible gratitude in her face and her whole frame seemed to relax. I can only imagine the things she said about me to her coworkers. And I felt good, too. It was obvious she’d had a rough day and I think she was sure she would never see me again. She was probably hoping she wouldn’t. But not at that moment.
Of course, I ruined the moment by tripping over the threshold as I backed out of the restaurant to back to the car.
Written by : Brock Heasley
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First, Quentin Tarantino isn’t just a jerk, he’s an over-rated jerk. I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed one of his movies. If I were a super-villain, I’d probably wreck his movies just to make him cry. (I’d be a really odd super-villain) That’s another rant though.
But I’ve been there and I will go out of my way to ensure good service is tipped. Not only is Tarantino a jerk, but he’s wrong too — because the minimum wage for servers is lower than for everyone else because they’re expected to earn the missing portions of their pay through tips. I have done the whole break-a-twenty-just-so-I-can-tip routine (money’s tight for me too) and it’s true, servers really are touched when you do that because they’re used to the general public. Anyone who’s dealt with the general public knows that the general public is a jerk. So tip your servers, and don’t watch Quentin Tarantino movies.
I’ve never worked as a waiter or a waitress, but for some reason I have a lot of sympathy for them and what they do. I much prefer to overtip. I wouldn’t want to do that job.
Great. Now I feel like I should be ashamed because I always ask “Does that cost extra?” about anything and everything.
Yes, Tyler, that IS the lesson of the bizarro version of this blog.
@Scott, one thing to note. The law that allows employers to pay servers less than minimum wage also requires said employers to make up the difference if their wage plus tips does not add up to minimum wage. So, though they can be paid less than minimum wage, they’re guaranteed at least that much.
It’s much like when I was working commissioned sales. I got around 2% of my gross sales plus incentives on different items (the loss leader no-brand TV was straight percentage while the Sony XBR top of the line might have been percentage plus $30 and another 10-15% on the extended service plan if I could sell it). I also earned about $1 an hour more than minimum wage. At the end of the pay period, my hourly wage and my percentage + incentives would be tallied up and I’d get whichever figure was bigger. If I got my hourly wage two pay periods in a row, I could probably expect to be fired.
Good info, Greg. I’ve always wondered how the tips factor into the wages. Thanks!
I was going to have lunch with my Mom at a chines restaurant. I wanted to treat her out so we went for our favorite thing, chines food. I didn’t know how to tip and ended up giving the waitress a very large tip (she seemed happy about it). Mom asked me in the car what I gave for a tip and I told her, she said next time to just move the decimal point over and that would be the tip.
I don’t have any embarrassing eating out stories to share, sorry Broc. You did make me laugh though, thanks for sharing yours.
Sounds to me like you tipped just right!
I’ve heard that story before, but I love it just as much each time I hear it! Love you, Brock!
This story doesn’t reflect terribly well on me, Lynn. So I thank you.
Is La Posada still around? I’d love to eat there one of these days when we are in town.
I feel like more and more often, tips are being split among all the employees. Which I hate. When I give a tip, I’m giving it based on the service one person gave me. I want to tip them to show my appreciation for their service. Especially if they were extra helpful. I don’t want my tip split among the whole staff. That stinks! The waiter/waitress worked hard for me, and they get the short end of the stick. Not fair.
When I worked for BYU catering, the rule was that if a customer gave you any personal tip, you had to give it to the general tip fund (we split all tips). At one particular event, a guest (not even the customer paying for the event!) gave me a $5 tip. One of the hardest things I ever did was give up that tip. Money was so so tight, and I was barely making ends meet. But, because I knew the rule, I couldn’t (in good conscience) keep that tip. And it made me so mad.
Anyway. I believe in tipping well. Even though I hate how restaurants are splitting tips.
Yes! La Posada is still around and we still eat there on occasion. We will absolutely take you guys there next time you’re here, if you’d like.
Great Story, And great Ending. Servers really do Appreciate decent Tips. And so do Delivery Drivers. Confused?
Fun Fact Time : Pizza Delivery Drivers get paid Below minimum Wage when Delivering your Pizza, Because The industry expects you to Tip, Just like a Waiter. While Some places will Pay Gas Costs, Others Don’t, Or only Pay Partial Gas Costs. So Always Tip Your Driver. And If you live really far away, Tip a little more then you Would for a more Local Delivery. You’re Costing them Extra Gas, But the Store often isn’t Paying Extra!
If this Sounds Like common Sense To you, You’d be surprised how many people Don’t realize Tipping Drivers is Customary =_=
Personal Story Time: I remember one Delivery to a House not to far (about 2 Miles) from the Store. Everything Went fine, and a Woman paid in cash. Sadly as I counted out change There was no indication of a tip forthcoming (You’ll Usually be Told “Just Gimmie half back” Or something to that effect while counting.) The change was 3 Dollars and 14 Cents. As I hand her the three Dollars, I inform her with the Usual first-time Apology that We don’t carry Loose change (Very few Places send drivers out with Coinage. If yours Does, Count yourself Fortunate.). Before She responds, a second woman Jumps up from inside the house and starts Raving. “So You’re going to Give us the whole Dollar Back then?!” “No Ma’am I-” “Then The store’s gonna Credit Us the Change?! You HAVE To give us our Money!!!!”
Bear In mind, This strangers name Isn’t On the receipt, She’s not Paying, And this Doesn’t Involve Her. Don’t stick your nose in another persons Wallet. The person who actually ORDERED The Pizza Turned Beet Red , told The other woman To “Shut The H**** Up, and go inside”, And told me to just Keep the Change.
And That’s How a No Tipper Became a 3 Dollar! A really Jerky Friend an An embarrassed Customer!
And because I Know I’ll get Hounded by jerks, Yes we are Legally Required to give you Your change, But 99% of Customers Aren’t that Picky about Anything Under a Buck, and if It’s only a Few cents our loss, We’ll normally Eat it and round up to a Dollar. But if the paying customer HAD pressed Her friends Issue, My Manager would have more then likely Credited it, Or told them they where free to come in to the store for their Change, Depending on if He cared about losing that customer ;D
Hey Jared, thanks for the solid perspective and great story. I’ll admit I didn’t always know that you were supposed to tip delivery drivers, but it only makes sense.